Thursday, July 13, 2006


No need to watch the bore fest on Sunday night. Here is the whole ESPY evening, broken down for you, Ron Jaworski style (without the telestrator)

We have freed up your Sunday night for better pursuits. The motive was purely altruistic so you don't have to thank us.

You're with him, Leather

Bruce Jenner's face, sponsored by Dr. 90210

Former actor Kevin Sorbo now works security detail for the Kodak Theater - he doesn't take his job seriously enough

Former skater Oksana Baiul's limo was supposed to take her to the AVN Awards

Brandy, on a mission to search and destroy an NBA baller's life. Never forget her 2 priceless gems on "Punk'd"; 1) The "do you know who I am?" routine and 2) pulling the race card.

Kobe and the Mrs.: Why did she stay with him? For the diamond rings, trips to St. Tropez and front row seats at the ESPYs. Those are much preferable to auditing courses at Laguna Beach Community College

Olympian gold medalists. Can you guess which one of these is not like the others?

ESPY Host Lance Armstrong gives audience the funny with some topical humor

Ben Stiller loses to Lance in thumb wrestling and proceeds to hit him with a tiny chair a la WWE... get it?... the person you hear still laughing is Christine Taylor

Quarterbacks Vince Young and Matt Leinart accept the award for "Best Game" for the 92nd Rose Bowl Game - Young is just happy that there was no pop quiz

After helping Carmen Electra present an award, Shaun White disappeared to his dressing room for 3 minutes

Mariah being Mariah. Manny's got nothing on her.

It was at this moment that Lance Armstrong suddenly realized he had 2 more peaks to climb

Will Ferrell is on the scene and ready to make the audience uncomfortable for the next five agonizingly long minutes. Lance wonders if it's too late to catch a flight to France.

Lance Armstrong, related to Neil Armstrong... Danica Patrick, related to Tera Patrick?

Jason McElwain - the only person in the building with redeeming qualities - from Greece-Athena High School kisses his trophy for best moment at the 2006 ESPY Awards

Ben can walk!!! Not since Michael Jackson moonwalked at Motown25 have so many people been this excited to see a man cross a stage under his own power.

Steelers win the "Thank God Ben Roethlisberger is Alive" Award in a unanimous vote. Also won year's "Best Team" Award.

Show's over, folks. Now, where did Leather go??


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